Well, our second attempt came and went without the positive we were hoping for. The second round was as opposite from the first as it could be. No symptoms. No certainty. Somewhere in the back of my mind I took that as a good sign. Cami seemed to know that the test would be negative. It was more immediately emotional this time. Rather than just sadness, I think we both experienced a lot of anger. There are people having babies all over the place. 16 year olds get their own episodes of MTV reality shows for accidentally getting knocked up. Jillian Michaels, who has been chronicling her road to adopting a little girl from Haiti had a bit of a surprise for her fans. The same week that the adoption came through, her partner gave birth to a healthy baby boy. She became the mother to two in one week! I was so jealous I couldn't see straight. She honestly seems over the moon and I'm happy for her, but it still got to me. Then there are the spoiled idiots who can barely care for themselves. They are having babies and whining about whatever thing they feel they are entitled to, be it attention, baby-sitters, familial support, and it's all playing out on my Facebook feed. Ugh.
We weren't sure if timing would be in our favor to try again in June. We still don't know if it will work out, but we are going to try. Cami is filling herself up with those fun hormones and we'll be having an ultrasound on Friday. We hope we can inseminate before the Beach crew rolls in from the US the following week. Maybe being busy with them will make the two weeks of waiting go a little faster. I think we're even less hopeful this time than we were last month. It's absolutely taking its toll on us emotionally. When I called the clinic to tell them we had a negative result, the midwife asked if we wanted to take a little break. Had you asked me before we started this, I wouldn't have imagined taking a break. I would have thought rolling from month to month, without the possibility of missing a cycle, would be the way to go. Now I can't imagine that. We are trying in June, but mainly because the clinic will be closed in July. If this attempt doesn't result in a pregnancy, we will take a much needed break. We've only been at this for a little over two months and it feels like a year. I don't know that one could ever be prepared for how difficult this journey is.
I have worried since we decided to try to have a baby that we have been setting ourselves up for pain. We are both planners and bargain hunters. When something was on sale that we thought we might need for a future baby, we bought it. Now, those items that were so much fun before (the pram, the, car seat, the crib, the bouncy seat, the BabyBjörn, the tons of clothes, the blankets I have been making) are a bit of a reminder that it's really out of our hands. I don't like to gamble. I don't like to take chances. I am the girl that will go with her friends to a casino, get $20 worth of dimes and sit and play video slots all night. If I double my money or run out, even if it's in the first 15 minutes, I am done. I am happy to sit and watch others gamble the big bucks. (Though once I did win $147 in the first hour. I put it all away and ended up buying everyone dinner that night.) Now I have to put my money down and wait for that little ball to settle somewhere on a roulette wheel. It's not a fun position to be in.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Adventures in Baby Making
Creating a post about the goings on of the past few weeks has been on my mind, but until now, I never seemed to find the time. Our first attempt to create our little munchkin was far more emotional than either of us anticipated. As is the norm, from what I have now read, Cami really thought she was feeling so many tell-tale symptoms of an early pregnancy. She was convinced she was pregnant. I thought I saw the signs as well. When the test told us that we were wrong, it was pretty devastating. It took us a few days to wrap our heads around "next month" and moving on, but we did.
This time, a little bug prevented me from going with Cami to her follicle ultrasound on a Friday. They told her that she had some very small follicles, but they probably wouldn't mature enough to try this month. We were to return on Monday to check again. This time, to their surprise, but not mine, one had grown to a healthy 13mm. There were three at 8mm, but the 13 was what we were focusing on. We were to go home and test, waiting for Cami to begin ovulating so we could trigger again. Well, we never got that positive! We called the clinic on Thursday, as they requested, and scheduled another ultrasound. This time on Friday, a week after the initial ultrasound, we were surprised to discover that we had not one, but two big healthy follicles. One was 18mm and the other was 19mm. This was just perfect. We were supposed to trigger that night and to inseminate on Sunday. This is where the plot thickens. Jack was coming for the weekend.
This time, a little bug prevented me from going with Cami to her follicle ultrasound on a Friday. They told her that she had some very small follicles, but they probably wouldn't mature enough to try this month. We were to return on Monday to check again. This time, to their surprise, but not mine, one had grown to a healthy 13mm. There were three at 8mm, but the 13 was what we were focusing on. We were to go home and test, waiting for Cami to begin ovulating so we could trigger again. Well, we never got that positive! We called the clinic on Thursday, as they requested, and scheduled another ultrasound. This time on Friday, a week after the initial ultrasound, we were surprised to discover that we had not one, but two big healthy follicles. One was 18mm and the other was 19mm. This was just perfect. We were supposed to trigger that night and to inseminate on Sunday. This is where the plot thickens. Jack was coming for the weekend.
We picked up Jack and Cami triggered at midnight. We had a good weekend and then loaded up the boy and the puppy to go to the hospital on Sunday. Did I mention that this was Mother's Day in the US? Sally and I got settled downstairs and Cami got Jack settled with his DS XL in the waiting room. I came upstairs in time for the appointment despite a very unhappy howling Sally. We had the same very nice doctor this time. All went well. We had a very intimate, romantic afternoon celebrating Cami's brother's birthday with her mom and all the nephews. lol It wasn't the perfect planned quiet afternoon we might have wished for, but it was appropriate somehow.
Now we are in that dreaded two weeks wait again. We get to test next Sunday. 10 more days to go. Did I mention that that Sunday will be Mother's Day in Sweden? Fingers crossed!
Monday, April 9, 2012
And here we go...
I really wanted to make a post here yesterday, but my mind wouldn't really be still long enough to get it together. Since my last post, we called the clinic and discovered that we almost couldn't try this month because they were pretty booked, but they decided to squeeze us in. We waited for nature to take it's course, so Cami could start the necessary medications. Well, nature's course decided to hold out for a few days longer than we anticipated. Stress can do that to a gal, after all. When the ball did get rolling, it put our needed appointment time right in the middle of Good Friday and Easter, when we assumed the clinic would be closed. That was not the actual case. We got an appointment on April 8th, Easter Sunday. Cami took her meds for 5 days, Miss Sally got to spend the day with Tori and we headed to Gothenburg. There were actually several couples there, though we were the first, since we like to be early. ;) Even though Cami felt as though she had enough follicles going on to birth the Duggar clan, there was one pretty, perfect, 19mm follicle on the left side. (That was the coolest Easter egg I have ever seen!) We thought this mean we would return home, Cami would pee on sticks and we would call when we got a certain result, so we could schedule insemination. Well, since little follicle was so healthy and ready and the perfect size, that isn't necessary. Last night at 11:30 PM, my little viking wife mixed up some powder and saline and injected it in her tummy and tomorrow at 11:30 AM we will be having our first IUI (intrauterine insemination).
Needless to say, we are super excited. It's not the norm for an IUI to take on the first try, but there's just as good a chance for it to take on the first as on the fifth, so we are keeping very positive. The deciding factor is that little follicle. Was that Snobbit? There's no way to know yet. This just could be one of Snobbit's buddies and he needs a little more time in the cooker. (Using the gender non-specific he, of course.) I keep asking him and he has yet to answer me. I suppose we'll know something in 2-3 weeks. Cami has always said she thought Snobbit was on the left side, though. I guess that has to mean something, right?
Needless to say, we are super excited. It's not the norm for an IUI to take on the first try, but there's just as good a chance for it to take on the first as on the fifth, so we are keeping very positive. The deciding factor is that little follicle. Was that Snobbit? There's no way to know yet. This just could be one of Snobbit's buddies and he needs a little more time in the cooker. (Using the gender non-specific he, of course.) I keep asking him and he has yet to answer me. I suppose we'll know something in 2-3 weeks. Cami has always said she thought Snobbit was on the left side, though. I guess that has to mean something, right?
Friday, March 16, 2012
It has been a big week for us!
We knew last week that we would be meeting with a therapist this Tuesday, March 13th, to take the next step to get to Snobbit. I was super nervous, but Cami was much more calm. We dropped Sally off with Robert and Hanna and headed to Gothenburg. Our letter didn't really tell us where to go, so of course, we waited in the wrong place. Luckily, the therapist found us and we got to our little room. We had a translator, since I am still not 100% up to par with my Swedish. (I did, however, understand most of the Swedish!) Both women were incredibly kind. The session was very positive as we talked about how we met, how we live now and what plans we have for the future. We both spoke a lot about our families and the support we are so blessed to have. We talked about the importance of using a donor that will allow our children to learn a little about him and possibly contact him if they so wish, when the are 18. We both agreed that is not a decision we make for our child and wanted to keep that option open for them. That's good since Swedish law requires such.
The whole thing was such a positive experience, I was almost sad when it was over. The therapist said that we were more than qualified to be parents. She also said she could tell that we had the strong foundation that a family needs and could see how strong our bond was. She was all smiles and so very comforting. She said she would be happily recommending us for the program when she attended her next weekly team meeting. This thrilled us for a couple of reasons. First, of course WE know that we'd make good parents, but it really felt great to hear it from a professional. It also meant a lot to us that she could see how committed we are to one another. We were also super excited that they have weekly team meetings. It was possible that they only met monthly and we might have to wait as long as four additional weeks. This meant we could be starting pretty soon!
Cut to today. Miss Sally were out for a walk and decided to check the mail. We had two letters. The first was from the Red Cross, I assume asking for another donation, but I haven't bothered to read it yet. The second had that telltale return envelope from our region, was addressed to both of us and used my first and middle name. Well, Sally and I started running. We ran all the way to the house and called for Cami to come and open it. The letter officially welcomed us to the program and said we would be starting in about two weeks! Needless to say, we are overjoyed. If all goes according to plan, we will be inseminating in early April. (The best kids in the world are conceived in April! Just look at me!) It seems like we have been waiting forever, but now it's happening so fast. We are beyond blessed. We have quite the roller coaster ahead of us. I truly can't wait!
The whole thing was such a positive experience, I was almost sad when it was over. The therapist said that we were more than qualified to be parents. She also said she could tell that we had the strong foundation that a family needs and could see how strong our bond was. She was all smiles and so very comforting. She said she would be happily recommending us for the program when she attended her next weekly team meeting. This thrilled us for a couple of reasons. First, of course WE know that we'd make good parents, but it really felt great to hear it from a professional. It also meant a lot to us that she could see how committed we are to one another. We were also super excited that they have weekly team meetings. It was possible that they only met monthly and we might have to wait as long as four additional weeks. This meant we could be starting pretty soon!
Cut to today. Miss Sally were out for a walk and decided to check the mail. We had two letters. The first was from the Red Cross, I assume asking for another donation, but I haven't bothered to read it yet. The second had that telltale return envelope from our region, was addressed to both of us and used my first and middle name. Well, Sally and I started running. We ran all the way to the house and called for Cami to come and open it. The letter officially welcomed us to the program and said we would be starting in about two weeks! Needless to say, we are overjoyed. If all goes according to plan, we will be inseminating in early April. (The best kids in the world are conceived in April! Just look at me!) It seems like we have been waiting forever, but now it's happening so fast. We are beyond blessed. We have quite the roller coaster ahead of us. I truly can't wait!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
My (Cami's) first post!
Hi there!
This is Snobbit's mamma typing. A sick, sniffly mamma, but still.
4 days ago, we met with the doctor who will help us get our little munchkin. We talked about our medical history, thoughts around the process, and got a lot of information. We also got to see a lot of folicals in both ovaries, which is really good! What will happen now, is that about a month from now we will go to see a counselor. After meeting with her, the board will meet to officially approve us and after that we are good to go! :) Hopefully that means that we will get at least one attempt before summer. We will have 6 attempts, and after 4 failed attempts we can choose IVF if we want for the last two. I'm hoping we won't have to make that decision, but get pregnant before that. We have an exciting 2012 ahead of us! :D
This is Snobbit's mamma typing. A sick, sniffly mamma, but still.
4 days ago, we met with the doctor who will help us get our little munchkin. We talked about our medical history, thoughts around the process, and got a lot of information. We also got to see a lot of folicals in both ovaries, which is really good! What will happen now, is that about a month from now we will go to see a counselor. After meeting with her, the board will meet to officially approve us and after that we are good to go! :) Hopefully that means that we will get at least one attempt before summer. We will have 6 attempts, and after 4 failed attempts we can choose IVF if we want for the last two. I'm hoping we won't have to make that decision, but get pregnant before that. We have an exciting 2012 ahead of us! :D
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Travels and Birthdays and Letters! Oh My!
It has been quite the eventful few weeks. We traveled to the US to celebrate the holidays with family and friends, met and adopted our new puppy, Sally, came back home and helped Sally get settled, helped Esme get used to her new little sister, which is a work in progress, celebrated my birthday three times for a whole week AND got a thick envelope in the mail. We'll talk about that more later...
Saying goodbye to everyone in the US was tough, but it was so good to head back home. The plan is to go back to the US in November, for Thanksgiving, per our "every other year" plan, but we're hoping that we won't be able to this year. We're hoping Cami will be baking little Snobbit in the oven and we'll just have to stay put. Pretty much everyone knows this and is understanding, even though we're trying not to talk about it too much. Traveling with Sally wasn't nearly as troublesome as either of us feared. Our wonderful vet gave us some pretty good "stay calm" medicine for the trip. In fact, I wish I had some of those for myself. She slept most of the way and wore her little diapers like a champ. Of course, the diapers have a cute little hole for her tail and because of that, they don't act like a typical baby diaper would and as a direct consequence, we had to clean poo out of the airport floor three times. Fun. We both agreed that we would never travel with a pet again if we could help it. Hopefully, our next international flight will have a little munchkin in tow. That's a whole different level of stress.
My birthday was kind of fantastic. I turned 29 for the 7th time. :) Our initial plan was to have Cami's mom, brother, sister-in-law and three nephews over on Sunday, the day before. I was going to cook and make a cake. Plans didn't work out, as Christian forgot about plans for a weekend house guest. It turned out I wasn't feeling too great on Saturday, anyway, so that plan was scrapped. Cami had to work Monday, but when she came home, I got my favorite pizza from Viking Pizzeria, a super yummy princess cake from Nordpolen, a bouquet of Marabou chocolate, and a gift certificate to cut my hair off! In the states, she got me a super cool pair of grey and purple Skechers running sneakers. I felt incredibly spoiled. On Thursday of that week, I went to school and then to Cami's mom's house afterward. She made my favorite Swedish meal, palt! Cami's mormor gave me a card with money and her mom gave me some pretty napkins, candles and a gift certificate to a yarn shop in Skara. This is AWESOME because I really want to get back into crocheting and make a baby blanket. Now, of course, I have googled patterns for baby shoes and hats, too! Then on Sunday of the same week, Christian, Lotta, Jack, Jonathan and Johannes came to celebrate with me again. I cooked and made a really cool pink and blue coconut cake. They got me a black and chrome slow cooker! I got absolutely everything I could have wanted this birthday (that one could actually GET for a birthday!) I feel spoiled. I have looked up all kinds of slow cooker baby food recipes. ;)
After all the wonderful surprises the week of my birthday, the best thing came in the mailbox on Monday. As we get every Monday, there was a pile of advertisements. Additionally, there was one thick envelope, addressed to Camilla from Västra Götalandsregionen, which is the giant county we live in. Anything with that return address could be any number of things. I got something from school with that envelope and my medical information comes in the same. In the back of my mind, I was freaking out, but wouldn't let myself get too hopeful as Sally and I walked back from the mailbox. I placed it on the dining room table and waited while Cami said, "What's this?" As soon as she had it open, I saw that the heading was the center for reproductive medicine. Tears instantly sprang to my eyes. It's finally our turn. We are going to be meeting with the doctor on the 22nd. We will talk about what's going to happen and I will be signing legal documents saying that the baby we are trying to conceive will be mine. I think we can begin actually trying as early as March or April. Needless to say, we are thrilled. Beyond trilled. More thrilled than I am able to put into words. My plan is to chronicle the goings on here. Fingers crossed.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
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