Beaches, Birthdays and Busyness!

I always have every intention of updating this blog more often than I do, but time just seems to get away from me. It has been a month since my last post, and as you could imagine, a lot has happened. We went in for the ultrasound and Cami had "lots" of follicles that looked like they could be heading for maturity. After that, we headed for IKEA and bought lots of things to get the house and guest room ready for the arrival of the Beaches! We had to schedule a second ultrasound for a few days later, on Tuesday, to which Cami went alone, and we had one follicle that was stepping out ahead of the rest. They gave us instructions to trigger on Wednesday night and come back in for the insemination on Friday. Yep. The same Friday that the crew was arriving from the US. So, we made a plan. I would head to the airport and pick everyone up while Cami took Sally with her to the hospital. Since the hospital is only 20 minutes from the airport and their flight was due to come in 2.5 hours before the appointment, we'd have plenty of time to get there. Well, my favorite phrase of late has been, "If you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans." It has fit in with a lot of things. The Beaches missed their connecting flight in Copenhagen and had no way to contact us, as we didn't make sure they had our numbers and such before they left the US. I was left at the airport for right at 6 hours, having no clue what was going on, while Cami had to do the insemination on her own. It was rough, but they made it, Cami made the appointment and it all began a very busy week.

 DT got to go to Dreamhack in Jonköping while his parents stayed at a wonderful hotel and did lots of sight seeing and shopping. (It was there that I got Cami a pretty darn cute one-piece for her birthday!) We went to Gothenburg for two days and shopped and visited museums. We spent the night out on Hönö. On Friday, which was Midsommar and Cami's birthday, we had a big meal with Cami's mom, brother, sister-in-law, the nephews and the Beach family. It was a fun day. Saturday we laid low and on Sunday I took them back to the airport. It was a very fun, exhausting trip for everyone.

During the visit, we talked about baby possibilities some, but this time neither of us were really feeling it. One morning when Cami woke, LE said she looked like she was glowing, but other than that, Cami felt no symptoms. She returned to work on Monday and did an overnight. I brought up how we would proceed in upcoming months on Tuesday night, which was a mistake as it just made us both sad. We had originally planned on testing on Wednesday, but since there were no symptoms, we wanted to save ourselves that two days of, "well, it could have been a false negative!" which it can at that point, so we decided to wait until Friday. Then on Wednesday, the sadness really crept in and we decided we would test Thursday morning. Cami went out to buy a test. When she came home, she had bought two tests and some good coffee. She said, "You make us some coffee and some ice cream while I test, just to get it over with." I was had just finished making the coffee and was putting a tag on Esme's new collar when I heard Cami gasp from the bathroom. I ran in and we both looked in amazement at this:

Neither of us could believe it. It was still flashing for a moment or two, but I kept thinking over and over that it wouldn't say "gravid" (pregnant in Swedish) if she wasn't. There are false negatives, but a false positive 14 days after trigger would be crazy rare. After we finished crying and jumping and freaking out, we tried to call Amy & Christy. We finally got Christy, who was at work (sorry!) on the phone and then Amy called back. Needless to say, they were thrilled. That's when I started trying to call my mom. Then I called Christina and got to hear Lucy babbling in the background. Then I tried mom again. And again. And again. We called the Beaches to thank them for being such good luck and then tried mom again. And again. It took two and a half hours and a call to my dad to get mom on the phone, but we finally got her. She is so super excited! Then we called Nana, who is also thrilled. Then, while doing a little dance and singing, "I'm gonna be a mommy! We're gonna have a baby!" I accidentally butt dialed my mom, so she heard the whole thing, much to my embarrassment. Sigh. This baby is already making a fool out of me.

 It's still very early and we are both realistic in that we know anything can happen, but we are pregnant! Snobbit may be on his or her way. Cami tested again when we woke up at 3 AM.

Confirmation sure feels good! I guess the whole nature of this blog will change now. I couldn't be more thrilled!

Not the slam dunk we had hoped for...

Well, our second attempt came and went without the positive we were hoping for.  The second round was as opposite from the first as it could be.  No symptoms.  No certainty.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I took that as a good sign.  Cami seemed to know that the test would be negative.  It was more immediately emotional this time.  Rather than just sadness, I think we both experienced a lot of anger.  There are people having babies all over the place.  16 year olds get their own episodes of MTV reality shows for accidentally getting knocked up.  Jillian Michaels, who has been chronicling her road to adopting a little girl from Haiti had a bit of a surprise for her fans.  The same week that the adoption came through, her partner gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  She became the mother to two in one week!  I was so jealous I couldn't see straight.   She honestly seems over the moon and I'm happy for her, but it still got to me.  Then there are the spoiled idiots who can barely care for themselves.  They are having babies and whining about whatever thing they feel they are entitled to, be it attention, baby-sitters, familial support, and it's all playing out on my Facebook feed.  Ugh.

We weren't sure if timing would be in our favor to try again in June.   We still don't know if it will work out, but we are going to try.  Cami is filling herself up with those fun hormones and we'll be having an ultrasound on Friday.  We hope we can inseminate before the Beach crew rolls in from the US the following week.  Maybe being busy with them will make the two weeks of waiting go a little faster. I think we're even less hopeful this time than we were last month.  It's absolutely taking its toll on us emotionally.  When I called the clinic to tell them we had a negative result, the midwife asked if we wanted to take a little break.  Had you asked me before we started this, I wouldn't have imagined taking a break.  I would have thought rolling from month to month, without the possibility of missing a cycle, would be the way to go.  Now I can't imagine that.  We are trying in June, but mainly because the clinic will be closed in July.  If this attempt doesn't result in a pregnancy, we will take a much needed break.  We've only been at this for a little over two months and it feels like a year.  I don't know that one could ever be prepared for how difficult this journey is.

I have worried since we decided to try to have a baby that we have been setting ourselves up for pain.  We are both planners and bargain hunters.  When something was on sale that we thought we might need for a future baby, we bought it.  Now, those items that were so much fun before (the pram, the, car seat, the crib, the bouncy seat, the BabyBjörn, the tons of clothes, the blankets I have been making) are a bit of a reminder that it's really out of our hands.  I don't like to gamble.  I don't like to take chances.  I am the girl that will go with her friends to a casino, get $20 worth of dimes and sit and play video slots all night.  If I double my money or run out, even if it's in the first 15 minutes, I am done.  I am happy to sit and watch others gamble the big bucks.  (Though once I did win $147 in the first hour.  I put it all away and ended up buying everyone dinner that night.)  Now I have to put my money down and wait for that little ball to settle somewhere on a roulette wheel.  It's not a fun position to be in.